It is looking very likely that my 3 year old 'Heart-Granddaughter' has breast cancer. Please, keep her little self in your prayers and thoughts, and send comfort and strength to her Mommy, my Heart-Daughter, Roxanne. Thank you.
x0x0-Gina
Friday, February 26, 2010
Thursday, February 18, 2010
sigh
aching head
and aching heart-
they probably go
hand in hand
somewhere in my psyche
feeling alone
and lonely
hating that
you feel
so far away from
me today.
and aching heart-
they probably go
hand in hand
somewhere in my psyche
feeling alone
and lonely
hating that
you feel
so far away from
me today.
decidedly unhappy
words are bubbling
dangerously
near the surface
none of them
happy or nice ones
beware
what you say to me
you might hear something
you don't want to
know.
dangerously
near the surface
none of them
happy or nice ones
beware
what you say to me
you might hear something
you don't want to
know.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Unwanted Visitors...
I wake with my heart in my throat, my palms sweaty, the room icy cold. Steven is completely unaware of the night's interruption, curled up on his side, blankets cocooning him from bad dreams.
I quietly roll out of bed, ignoring their icy disapproval, put my robe, and start the kettle for a cuppa' tea. The kettle sings a cheery song- an incongruous sound against the weight of their combined mutterings. I pour my tea, and now fortified, take a seat and begin listening to their heart songs.
Hissing whispers fill the room - I cannot separate colors from sounds yet. Fact from opinion, history from imagined meanderings. Anger and fear flood the room, spilling my tea, and covering my universe in a sea of sad bewilderment. 'How did I get to this?' he mutters. 'Where did my family go? Why am I all alone?'
'He did this to me, to us!' she silently shrieks, reaching out with transparent claws to wound him even more deeply than he does himself. I simply sit and listen, giving them a chance to be heard, and to hear one another. She reaches out longingly, wanting to comfort his pain as much as wound him. Her longing for him goes unheeded. He can't see beyond his own pain to notice hers. I doubt if he ever could...
Weeping now fills the room, her anger spent at last, and at last she drifts away from me, amorphous as mist, her sadness a lingering perfume in the room. I wait for him to finish his cup of denial, and watch as he too leaves me alone and shivering in the aftermath of their emotional storm.
I pour out the remaining dregs of my tea, and wearily make my way back into the warmth of our bed, curling up with my Steven, glad we are ok with each other, and ourselves in this world, at this time.
I quietly roll out of bed, ignoring their icy disapproval, put my robe, and start the kettle for a cuppa' tea. The kettle sings a cheery song- an incongruous sound against the weight of their combined mutterings. I pour my tea, and now fortified, take a seat and begin listening to their heart songs.
Hissing whispers fill the room - I cannot separate colors from sounds yet. Fact from opinion, history from imagined meanderings. Anger and fear flood the room, spilling my tea, and covering my universe in a sea of sad bewilderment. 'How did I get to this?' he mutters. 'Where did my family go? Why am I all alone?'
'He did this to me, to us!' she silently shrieks, reaching out with transparent claws to wound him even more deeply than he does himself. I simply sit and listen, giving them a chance to be heard, and to hear one another. She reaches out longingly, wanting to comfort his pain as much as wound him. Her longing for him goes unheeded. He can't see beyond his own pain to notice hers. I doubt if he ever could...
Weeping now fills the room, her anger spent at last, and at last she drifts away from me, amorphous as mist, her sadness a lingering perfume in the room. I wait for him to finish his cup of denial, and watch as he too leaves me alone and shivering in the aftermath of their emotional storm.
I pour out the remaining dregs of my tea, and wearily make my way back into the warmth of our bed, curling up with my Steven, glad we are ok with each other, and ourselves in this world, at this time.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Growing pains
pages from yesterdays news
still litter the hallway
and I find peculiar pleasure
in touching the old pain
sort of like rubbing a bruise
or scratching a sunburn.
it hurts but in a strange
and satisfying way...
I think it's because
it's a reminder of how
things have changed-
of how I have changed
and grown throughout this
process. It's surprising
and an interesting development
at least it's so in my humblest
of opinions...*crooked smile*
still litter the hallway
and I find peculiar pleasure
in touching the old pain
sort of like rubbing a bruise
or scratching a sunburn.
it hurts but in a strange
and satisfying way...
I think it's because
it's a reminder of how
things have changed-
of how I have changed
and grown throughout this
process. It's surprising
and an interesting development
at least it's so in my humblest
of opinions...*crooked smile*
Saturday, February 6, 2010
A very good day...
We found a neighborhood we really like today, and will look for a house there starting tomorrow. I am way excited- it is near lots of things for Matthew to do, right on the bus line, and close to work for Steven, too. Hooray!!!
Ciao fer now! d'happy Gina
Ciao fer now! d'happy Gina
Thursday, February 4, 2010
The newest Practically-Perfect Grandbaby is....
A boy!!! Samuel David is due to arrive in June! Woot!!!!
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