We are here We are here We are Here!!!!!

We are in our new place, and outside of unpacking hell, it is wonderful. It sits on 2/3 of an acre of fruit and nut trees, and has a fenced back yard. It is 3 bedroom 1 bath and 1600 sq feet. It has a wood burning fireplace, and a nice workable kitchen. With a dishwasher! *grin* I loves it much lots!!

Merry Christmas!!!!!!!!!!!

And a Happy New Year!!

Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus...

and we are finally moving! Hurray!!

We found a house in Beaverton OR and will be moving in on the 13-14th of December. Finally! *laughing* So, say 'Yay'! and I will catch you all on the flip side!!

:o)

Tired

Still waiting for word on Steven's father. The hospital reports 'No Change' at this time. There was very little brain activity last night. Waiting is exhausting.

Happy Anniversary Steven!

25 years! It doesn't seem like it has been that long! I am looking forward to what the next 25 holds for us!

I love you. As simple and profound as that.

Always your, Gina

Blah

Ever feel so tired- just so freakin' tired that you have to almost remind yourself to take a breath? That is where I am at right now. *sigh*

Yes, it's the song that never ends...

or, same song, different chorus, or how about, same words, different harmony. Regardless of the sound, the words are incredibly old now, and I am sick to death of listening to it. I think I need a new record to play.

your actions are louder
than any word ever spoken
your choices tell the lies
your mouth forms with words

trust is a broken window
shattered and splintered
on the ground around us
it's not my fault though

you never said 'No'.

emptiness is a verb

my heart still aches
at times
for 'used to be's'
and 'was'
before 'she' entered my world
and yours.

why do you have to
love her?

the air feels heavy
with unspoken words
they are hanging
in the room
between us today.

I am tired.
*sigh*

response to a poetry challenge

I love to watch you slither
your body smooth against the sheets
sending chills down my spine
I quiver with anticipation
already savoring your hunger
on my lips and tongue...

your scales gleam in
the light of the candles
irridescent in the flickering flames
our shadows entwined in a sinuous dance
mimicking our movements

time is an ephemeral concept
not worth noting as we connect
in this physical dimension
tune out the sounds of your life
for you are mine until the sun
is as burned as we are

consumed by our passion
and then reborn through
the sweat of our pleasure.

Home again with a quick update...

Samuel (the new baby) is a very mellow fellow- happiest being cuddled against an ample bosom, and smiling whenever sung to. The other two are splendiferous, as well. Johnny is so typically little boy; into everything dinosaur related, and busy busy busy. Kaitlin was my shadow the entire visit; a constantly chattering and singing delightful baby bird, who refers to herself as my 'Sweetheart'. *smiling* It was so fun, and OMG exhausting. *laughing* I've slept like a dead thing last couple of nights! :oD

Happy News!

Samuel David made his appearance this afternoon at 5:44pm. He weighed in at 8lbs, 11oz, and is 20-3/4" long. Both Mother & baby are well! Hooray!!

It's Pun-Day

What's The Difference Between A Regular Toad And A Horny Toad?
One Say's "rib-it. rib-it" while the other one says "rub-it rub-it"

grrrr-idge

anger simmering
in a pot of
boiling resentment
don't talk to
me today
it's not good
for your health.

Newest Additon to the Practically-Perfect Grandchildren Set...:o)

Little Samuel is due to make his arrival on the 20th, according to the latest ultra-sound. I will be going to Montana on the 15th to help prepare for the baby, and make sure Meg gets all the rest she can. I will be there for between 4-6 weeks... I am so excited I can hardly stand it!!! Hooray for babies!!

Exciting news (at least for me)

A few months ago I sent in some of my poetry to an editor, and totally forgot about it. Well, the editor sent it to an agent friend of hers, who has talked to a publishing house friend of his...Long story short, they are interested in working with me to get a book published! Totally Awesome!! I am excited, a little nervous, and a lot surprised! Who'da thought that I would ever be a published author?! I have dreamed of this forever!!

Anyway, send good thoughts and prayers my way, if you don't mind. *grinning* Both for success and for calmness! *laughing*

Thanks! Gina

Prayers and Well Wishes Please

It is looking very likely that my 3 year old 'Heart-Granddaughter' has breast cancer. Please, keep her little self in your prayers and thoughts, and send comfort and strength to her Mommy, my Heart-Daughter, Roxanne. Thank you.

x0x0-Gina

sigh

aching head
and aching heart-
they probably go
hand in hand
somewhere in my psyche
feeling alone
and lonely
hating that
you feel
so far away from
me today.

decidedly unhappy

words are bubbling
dangerously
near the surface
none of them
happy or nice ones
beware
what you say to me
you might hear something
you don't want to
know.

Unwanted Visitors...

I wake with my heart in my throat, my palms sweaty, the room icy cold. Steven is completely unaware of the night's interruption, curled up on his side, blankets cocooning him from bad dreams.

I quietly roll out of bed, ignoring their icy disapproval, put my robe, and start the kettle for a cuppa' tea. The kettle sings a cheery song- an incongruous sound against the weight of their combined mutterings. I pour my tea, and now fortified, take a seat and begin listening to their heart songs.

Hissing whispers fill the room - I cannot separate colors from sounds yet. Fact from opinion, history from imagined meanderings. Anger and fear flood the room, spilling my tea, and covering my universe in a sea of sad bewilderment. 'How did I get to this?' he mutters. 'Where did my family go? Why am I all alone?'

'He did this to me, to us!' she silently shrieks, reaching out with transparent claws to wound him even more deeply than he does himself. I simply sit and listen, giving them a chance to be heard, and to hear one another. She reaches out longingly, wanting to comfort his pain as much as wound him. Her longing for him goes unheeded. He can't see beyond his own pain to notice hers. I doubt if he ever could...

Weeping now fills the room, her anger spent at last, and at last she drifts away from me, amorphous as mist, her sadness a lingering perfume in the room. I wait for him to finish his cup of denial, and watch as he too leaves me alone and shivering in the aftermath of their emotional storm.

I pour out the remaining dregs of my tea, and wearily make my way back into the warmth of our bed, curling up with my Steven, glad we are ok with each other, and ourselves in this world, at this time.

Growing pains

pages from yesterdays news
still litter the hallway
and I find peculiar pleasure
in touching the old pain
sort of like rubbing a bruise
or scratching a sunburn.
it hurts but in a strange
and satisfying way...
I think it's because
it's a reminder of how
things have changed-
of how I have changed
and grown throughout this
process. It's surprising
and an interesting development
at least it's so in my humblest
of opinions...*crooked smile*

A very good day...

We found a neighborhood we really like today, and will look for a house there starting tomorrow. I am way excited- it is near lots of things for Matthew to do, right on the bus line, and close to work for Steven, too. Hooray!!!

Ciao fer now! d'happy Gina

The newest Practically-Perfect Grandbaby is....

A boy!!! Samuel David is due to arrive in June! Woot!!!!

sad

like a banana peel, I'm
split right down the middle
hating that cut-open feeling
I'm alone again, hollow
and achingly empty.

I wish I could be
swallowed up in
whipped cream yumminess
as be as happy
as the cherry on top

*I know I know. If wishes were horses, beggars would ride...*

It's my party after all...

It's never easy

going back into your past

picking up those

tossed away pieces

of youth and folly.

re-examination

of pain-filled experiences

will leave you breathless

and aching

filling up pot-holes with a

quick drying cement

made of forgiveness

and maturity takes effort

and a dignity I'm not sure

I possess anymore...

Say “I don't care what they think'

like you mean it

and walk away with

your back straight

even though you might feel

bent and broken

by their imaginings

and twisted ideals-

it's your life after all

you have to make

it fit yourself

and no-one else.

sigh

I recently read the blog Dar Kush...

...and found some of it to be interesting, some of it to be self-aggrandizing, and the rest of it generally insulting for those of us who do not match the author's perception of 'fit and healthy'. Perhaps he should read the blog Junkfoodscience , and get another viewpoint besides his own.

Onto another topic of discussion: child-rearing.

My husband and I have raised three (3) children to adulthood, one of whom is moderately disabled. All of our children are happy, healthy, contributing members of society, and our greatest joy and blessings. Let me explain a little...

I come from a background of terrible physical, emotional and sexual abuse. My parents sold my sister and I to a child pornography ring, starting from the age of 3. No one can tell me that they suffered worse than we did during the next 10 years of our lives. Still, I managed to educate myself, and went on to marry a good man, and raise those children with him. I think we did ok. Better than ok, actually. None of them were ever involved with drugs or alcohol- none of them went to jail. All three graduated from high school with honors, and all three have gone on to higher education/technical schools. Our eldest is married with children of her own now, and she is an exemplary parent. So, what is this leading too? I feel my opinions re child-rearing are as good as, or better than, someone who is still in the early process of it. That's what.

Children need 3 things, beyond their physical needs being taken care of, to be happy and healthy. They are, (in this order) unconditional love, consistent discipline and boundaries, and the ability/permission of their parents to be children. All the rest is filler.

Children should be given unconditional love from the day they are born. Earlier, even, if you can manage it. That means literally - No Conditions are placed on the love they are given. There are no expectations attached to it. There can't be. Otherwise it isn't unconditional, is it? *wry smile* Even when you feel like pulling out your hair, ( or when they pull out your hair), you love them anyway. Totally and completely. Every child should be cherished. And they should know they are. 'Home' (whatever that means to you), should be a safe place to be, not another place to have to perform in.

At the same time, children need to know what the rules are, and where the boundaries are, to keep them safe. This can and should be handled with tenderness and love. Sometimes tough love. (I don't believe you should ever spank a baby/young toddler. It is pointless, as their brains are not developed enough for them to grasp anything but fear from the experience. Yes, you will have to get up over and over and move them from that light socket. Or, you can always do yourself a favor, and make your home baby-safe!) What happens when you hit a small child enough times for touching? That's right, you've 'trained' them to be afraid to touch (Pavlov's Toddler). You haven't 'taught' them anything. Teaching implies understanding. The frontal lobe isn't fully developed until around the age of 2-1/2 years. So sorry. No developed frontal lobe=no understanding.

Ok- enough tangents...*stepping off soap-box* Where was I? Oh yes- Discipline and Boundaries. Everyone needs to know where the floor is to stand up, right? Discipline is no different. A child will feel more secure if he/she knows what the rules and limitations are. Where 'the floor is' if you get my drift. They also need to have the consequences, or the 'boundaries' clearly defined as well. Ambiguity equals confusion equals unhappiness equals tantrums. Keep the rules clear and simple, and make sure the 'punishment fits the crime'. It's important to remember this statement as you face discipline- " An under- or over-reaction to any given situation is directly related to an unresolved issue from your past.'

Let's discuss letting our children be children. There are so many pressures that our children are facing today that many of us did not have to deal with.
The breakdown of the family unit- divorce is more prevalent than ever; violence in their homes, on their televisions, in their games; fear of global warming, the End Days (for certain groups), of being alone or abandoned; sophisticated child-targeted marketing campaigns...the list could go on and on. Then add to that the way we as parents are trying to cope with the guilt we feel for leaving our children in daycares - instant gratification and an endless array of 'things to keep them busy'. Dance class, music lessons, sports and every other kind of extra-curricular activity we can come up with! Our children spend almost every waking hour 'doing' something that is scheduled. Where is their downtime? When are they allowed to pretend? Where are those magical moments of imagination and flights of fancy that all of us need to deal with reality and it's ugly manifestations? Where are the bucolic days of innocence and wonder? And why have we taken them from our children? What has possessed us to insist children become 'miniature adults'? And why are we surprised by the way children are responding? *shaking my head* They lack the life-experience and brain development to deal with the adult world.

Children need down-time. They crave it like women crave chocolate. Let's turn off the tv's and the video games. Let's put away the the cell-phones and turn off the computers and blackberries for awhile. Let's schedule some "unscheduled time" for our children.

A few quick points -

• TV is not healthy for the developing brains of toddlers under the age of 3, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics.
• For those who question the effects of exposure to violence, and the resulting desensitization, I recommend the books of Lt. Col. Dave Grossman - On Killing, On Combat, and Stop Teaching Our Kids to Kill.
• A benefit for children in learning to use their imaginations (i.e., having to create their own play, rather than what happens in TV and video games and the like, where the child's brainwaves are similar to those of people in comas) is that it lays the foundation for sound problem-solving ability and critical thinking skills. Play also teaches appropriate social skills.
• The brain isn't fully developed, on average, until people reach their early 20's. There is a physiological reason that contributes to teenagers having more automobile accidents than adults. Its more than just "lack of experience". Yet another reason children get into trouble trying to live in the adult world too soon.

In conclusion, we need to step up and be parents. Not their "best friends". There'll be time for that after they are grown. Nor to make them believe they are the center of the Universe. They aren't. No one is. Our job is to do what we believe is right for that child, to give them as safe as possible an environment (without going overboard and trying to bubble-wrap the world) in which to become happy, well-adjusted young adults with healthy coping skills, ready to find their way in the world.

And that's my opinion, and I'm sticking to it. hmmmph! :O)

love today...

love is quieter these days
wind-swept melodies of passing youth
lips and hands filled with quiet song
gentle and warming as mulled wine-
I find myself longing
for those crescendos of not-so-long-ago
days and nights filled with electricity
a need so overpowering
burning heat and fiery tempest
trumpeting through the nights
we battled and loved
removing every obstacle
with no thoughts of the future...
kiss me again like you
will drown in my love
or perish in the trying...
just for tonight.

Dealing

It has been a crazy sorta time- learning and dealing with all sorts of new and (sort) of exciting elements in my life. I wonder sometimes what the f*ck I was thinking when I decided to pursue this particular course. *sigh* Nothing for it but to continue forward and see where it goes, I suppose. I am not happy about it today, however.

Been Busy...

But Now We Are Ready!!!! muah hahahaaaaa...